Pie for Mikey

Yesterday all over the blogosphere families made Peanut Butter Pie. It was the recipe of the day on FoodNetwork.com. CNN picked up the story. Why oh why was Peanut Butter Pie such a big story? It is and was a gesture of love. It's that simple. Jennifer Perillo is a food writer and blogger. Last week Jennifer's husband Mikey collapsed and died from a massive heart attack, leaving her without the love of her life and father of her two young children. In a week filled with pain, she reached out on her website, In Jennie's Kitchen. So many people had asked what they could do. She simply asked asked that on Friday, when they would be having a service to honor Mikey, "make a peanut butter pie this Friday and share it with someone you love. Then hug them like there's no tomorrow because today is the only guarantee we can count on." 


I made the peanut butter cream pie last night and today will enjoy it with my family. I can guarantee there will be hugs. 

I Am Who I Am Because of You ~ Mom

Last summer my friend Erin Lane started a blog series that I thought was brilliant.  "I am who I am in part because of you" I promptly asked her if I could do the same series on my blog. She generously said yes so I got right to work. (you can start laughing now)  I have thought about it so many times.  I keep thinking about all of the wonderful people who have helped shape who I am.  This past week I decided it was do or die time for this series, and what better place to start than with my mother. 


picture by John Hodges on my Motorola Droid

My mother and I have had an interesting relationship.  I am the youngest of three children.  I have an older brother and an older sister.  I was "a surprise." You wouldn't guess the surprise part because my brother is two and a half years older than me, and my sister is two and a half years older than him.  It seems perfectly planned, right?  My mom had a serious post partum depression after I was born, and this was back in the day when they called it "crazy." You just had a healthy baby girl, why wouldn't you be happy? In an added bonus. I didn't like to sleep.  Well, I liked to sleep~ I just didn't like to sleep at night. I would stay up late and sleep all morning.  I was just getting a jump on my teenaged years.

Do I have to talk about when I was a teenager? How about we leave it at I was such a pain in the ___ and so troubled about who I was that we wound up in counseling.  I think it was the best thing that happened to my mom and I.  We didn't become best buddies overnight, but we gained a much better relationship.  I am so grateful that she and my dad made that happen.  Then I went to college.  Let's just say I went back and forth to college. I floundered. I have no doubt that I had ADD for most of my life. I am not trying to be cute when I say that, I truly believe it.  Of course, this was back in the day that they called ADD "easily distracted." My mother bore all of my whims so well. I know that so many times she must have wanted to smack some sense into me, but she didn't. She let me make my mistakes and let me clean it up.  She always stood beside me and supported me.  She always told me that I could do anything if I was willing to work at it.

My mom has also always been a woman of great faith in God.  She is not a very trusting person. She has a good reason to be reluctant to trust.  She did not have good examples of kindness or faithfulness when she was younger. She did teach me to be cautious when trusting other people, but she always encouraged me to trust God.  Is it a surprise I ended up working for the church?

Our relationship has only gotten better as I sped into adulthood. We still have our moments. Put us in close quarters for more than a couple of days and you have a recipe for disaster.  We live next door to each other.  There is a large pasture between our houses, but we're next door.  How weird is that?  It is weird, but it is so fantastic, too. My children are a short walk or bike ride from their grandparents. My daughter seems to have cookie radar and always knows when Mom is baking. 

The last few months since my Dad fell have been hard on my Mom.  If you have any sort of crisis, or have to have surgery, Mom is the one that will come to your house and cook dinner for your family and get caught up on your laundry, but she is not a nurse.  She has never pretended to be. Finding herself suddenly in the caregiver role for my Dad was a shock.  She has borne it so well.  There were several moments when we all could have given up but she never considered it.  There were moments when he was in the hospital that she would have given her right arm for a nap, but instead of going home for a break she would just scoot her chair a little closer to his bed so she could hold his hand while she napped. 

I think that is at the heart of why I am so grateful for my mom. She taught me so much about loving.  The greatest Love is not about romance, candy hearts and flowers.  The greatest Love was given to us by God and it's about loving others, even when it's difficult.  My mom has been a great example of this kind of love.  I will always be glad that she loved me enough to let me be me.

Father Figures

I don't think it's any secret that I am a "Daddy's girl."  I have a great relationship with both of my parents but my mom and I really had to struggle through the adolescent years to come through with this wonderful relationship.  My dad was always the one that played games and read books with me.  My brother and sister were older than me and when they didn't want to be annoyed by me any longer, my dad would step in and play the five millionth round of Candy Land! 
Even though my relationship with my dad was strong, I was always thankful for the other "father figures" in my life.  Whether it was our youth minister or the dad of a friend, there was no shortage of strong, caring male role models around.   My husband, John, was lucky enough to have these, too.  He had one in particular.  Mr. Bryan.  Mr. Bryan was the father of John's best friend growing up in Dallas.   My husband and his friend were up to all kinds of mischief in their neighborhood, some of it we have on videotape.  John had a great relationship with his own father.  His father loved him well and taught him so much about love and life and business.  I am so thankful for John's parents because they raised this wonderful man that is my partner in every way.  Mr. Bryan, well Mr. Bryan invited John to church.

When John and I got married almost fifteen years ago we had our engagement portrait at our reception for all of our friends to sign.  There are some very touching things written and some very funny things, (thanks Tyler and Bradley!) On the left side, two-thirds of the way down is this quote.

Sorry this is so blurry, but it says "Hi John, come to church w/Kevin and us this weekend-Lee Bryan 1979."  My husband went to church with them.  He wound up joining that church at the age of 17 and becoming very involved in the youth ministry program.  John found his calling there.  He graduated from college with a business degree, but his heart was called to youth ministry.  He graduated from the Presbyterian School of Christian Education at Union Seminary in Richmond, Virginia and went on to have a very successful twenty-something year career before "retiring" from professional youth ministry last year.  The roots of John's faith came from the family he was born into, and the Bryans provided the opportunity for his faith to grow. 

Why am I thinking about all of this today?  Mr. Bryan passed away last week.  He was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer last year and fought valiantly until it was time to stop fighting.  Last Saturday we were able to go and be there for his memorial service and spend a little time with the family.  They are so full of love and faith.  Even in the midst of such a sad occasion, they were a joy to be with.  And to Mr. Bryan, thank you.  Thank you for loving and caring so well for your own family and for the others that crossed your path.  Thank you for sharing your faith. 

               Lee and Susan Bryan at our wedding November 11, 1995

And for the rest of us, you do not know the lifelong impact your words and interactions might have.  Whenever possible, speak and reach out in love!  And whenever you can, in any way you can, fight cancer!

Life is always changing.

For around the past twenty years I have worked with young people.  Before I was married I was a Youth Director for a Presbyterian church, and after I married a fellow Youth Director I happily became a volunteer.  The churches we served jokingly referred to getting two for the price of one, but I relished my role as volunteer.  I didn't have to worry about scheduling, budgeting or any of the nitty gritty details, I was just called to love the young people.  How lucky is that?

Unfortunately, the time comes when you have to say goodbye.  The time comes to move on.  For the last couple of years our last church has been having a difficult time.  It is a good church with great people.  A long time pastor left and since then, they have been trying to figure out who they are as a church.  While we still believe in, and love this church, it became a very difficult place to work.  Last August my husband resigned his position.  It was time to say goodbye. 

For the previous twenty years, we have been taking young people to a youth conference in Montreat, NC.  My husband and I both attended these conferences as young people and have been a part of them ever since, serving as leadership and support staff for the conferences.  This year we attended as "house parents" for my very great friend's youth group from Wasatch Presbyterian Church in Salt Lake City, Utah.  For most of the week I felt like I was cheating on my last youth group.  I stayed on the edges of the Wasatch group even though they welcomed us in completely. 

I posted a facebook status that said it felt like I was ripping off an enormous bandaid.   Some of my incredibly sweet friends posted lovely things that were very flattering about the impact we have had on young people, but one other gesture struck me to my core.  One person "liked" my status update.  This person had been a 14 year old in my youth group with the first group I took as an adult.   That one little click of her mouse reminded me how blessed I have been.  I have gotten to know so many amazing young people and their families.  I will be volunteering again with another youth group.  It will be different but that's okay.  For all of those young people I have been blessed to know, we will ALWAYS love you and we will always be praying for you and hoping for you.